Trauma and Chronic Stress: Healing Big and Little Wounds
When we think of childhood trauma, it’s often the big, earth-shattering events that come to mind—the kind that forever alters someone’s life in an instant. These are often referred to as Big T Trauma, such as neglect, losing a parent, being physically/sexually abused, having a serious illness, or being in a life-threatening situation. But trauma isn’t always loud and obvious. In fact, adults who have suffered through Little t Traumas often feel like they do not deserve to even talk about it as it is not as significant.
The truth is, whether childhood trauma is big or small, it matters—and it matters deeply when it comes to the development of chronic stress. In this blog, we’ll delve into how both Big T and Little t Trauma shape our nervous systems, contribute to chronic stress, and impact our overall health. In this blog, we’ll examine how both Big T and Little t Trauma influence the nervous system, contribute to chronic stress, and impact overall health. Let’s explore these connections and their significance.
What Are Big T and Little t Trauma?
Big T Trauma
Big T Trauma refers to experiences that are overtly threatening to one’s safety or life. These events often leave a clear imprint on the brain and body, making them easier to identify and diagnose. Examples include:
Neglect (physical or emotional)
Abuse (verbal, physical, or sexual)
Loss of a parent
Illness or significant medical events
Big T Trauma can lead to conditions like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), where the nervous system remains locked in a state of fight, flight, or freeze long after the event has passed.
Little t Trauma
Little t Trauma, on the other hand, involves events that are less dramatic but still deeply distressing to a child. These experiences might not threaten physical safety but can significantly impact emotional well-being. For instance, a child who grows up with constant criticism may develop anxiety or perfectionism as an adult, unaware of how these early experiences shaped their tendencies. Examples include:
Being chronically criticized or bullied
Feeling pressured by a parent to perform a certain way
Feeling unloved and unaccepted
Lack of emotional support or being told you’re “too much”
Little t Trauma often accumulates over time, creating a chronic state of stress and tension in the body that is unbeknownst to the person. While it may not lead to full-blown PTSD, it can manifest as hypervigilance, emotional reactivity, anxiety, depression, or present as chronic headaches, digestive issues, or chronic pain.
Why All Trauma Matters
Source: 70/30 Campaign – Empowering Communities to Protect Our Children. Visit www.70-30.org.uk for more information
The Nervous System Doesn’t Differentiate
One of the most important things to understand about trauma is that the body’s nervous system doesn’t differentiate between Big T and Little t experiences. Whether the stress comes from a life-threatening event or a series of subtle emotional wounds, the body responds the same way: by activating the stress response. If the emotions associated with the trauma aren't adequately processed, the nervous system can get stuck in a state of hyper-vigilance (fight or flight) or shutdown (freeze).
When we mentally replay traumatic experiences, our nervous system doesn’t know the difference between remembering and reliving—it reacts as though the event is happening again, unintentionally retraining itself to stay in a heightened state. Over time, this can result in the body taking over the loop so that when you experience events that remind you of your traumas, symptoms begin to present themselves even if your conscious mind does not recognize the trauma. This dysregulation can lead to chronic stress and the chronic secretion of stress hormones that impact physical health, emotional resilience, and even cognitive function.
Accumulation of Little t Trauma
While a single instance of Little t Trauma might not seem significant, repeated exposure to these stressors can create a cumulative effect. Imagine carrying a backpack where each minor stressor adds a small stone. Over time, that backpack becomes unbearably heavy, even though no single stone felt overwhelming on its own.
The Link to Chronic Stress
Both Big T and Little t Trauma are significant contributors to chronic stress, which is a major risk factor for a range of health issues, including:
Heart disease
Autoimmune disorders
Digestive problems
Sleep disturbances
Mental health conditions like anxiety and depression
Healing the Body That Remembers
Trauma lives in the body, even if the events are in the past. The emotions generated from that trauma and the story we tell ourselves to make sense of the trauma is often what keeps us trapped in the loop. When we recall those events in our heads, our brains and nervous system create the same chemicals and neurotransmitters as if we are reliving that trauma again. The body becomes a canvas of those events when we bring them up in our minds over and over again. As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says, “The body keeps the score.” However, healing requires more than just “thinking” your way out of it—it involves addressing the body, the emotions, and the mind together. Here are some approaches to consider:
1. Somatic Practices
Modalities like yoga, somatic experiencing, and breathwork help release trauma stored in the body. They focus on reconnecting with physical sensations of the body without tying it to any narrative or judgment. Learn to build a sense of safety by allowing yourself to hold space for this human experience.
2. Therapy
Therapies like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and trauma-focused counseling can help process both Big T and Little t Trauma. Find experts who are skilled in helping you process your trauma.
3. Mindfulness and Meditation
Practices like mindfulness meditation can help calm the nervous system and bring awareness to patterns of stress and reactivity. However, for some trauma survivors, traditional meditation may feel overwhelming at first, so it’s important to approach it gently.
4. Supportive Relationships
Healing often happens in the context of safe, supportive relationships. Whether through close friends, family, or support groups, feeling seen and heard can be profoundly healing.
5. Breathwork
Here are two of my favorite breathwork exercises to help you regulate your nervous system and create space between triggers and your emotions. These techniques engage the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and helps manage stress responses. Emotions typically last only a few minutes when fully felt; however, they can linger much longer if tied to a story. These exercises can help you gain some control over your emotions:
For Anxiety:
Coherent Breathing:
Inhale for 6 seconds.
Exhale for 6 seconds.
Effect: Harmonizes heart rate variability, reducing anxiety and increasing emotional resilience. I like to imagine a ball of light rising from my spine to the space between my eyes as I inhale and exhale.
When to Use: For general anxiety management or as a daily practice.
For Anger:
Physiological Sigh (For Intense Emotions):
Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds.
Exhale slowly through your nose or mouth for 6–8 seconds.
Effect: Activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping you release the heightened energy of anger.
When to Use: During or after an anger-inducing event to calm down and regain control.
Conclusion: Trauma Is Trauma
Whether it’s Big T or Little t, trauma matters. Both forms of trauma leave imprints on the body and mind, shaping how we experience the world and interact with others. Recognizing the impact of all forms of trauma is the first step toward healing and breaking free from the cycle of chronic stress.
If you’ve ever felt like your pain doesn’t “qualify” because it wasn’t a major event, know this: your experiences are valid, and your healing journey matters. You are worthy of care, attention, and the time it takes to reclaim your sense of safety and peace.